2014, You've Been Full of Milestones.

Today I fully intended on doing a Wedding Wednesday, but 2014 was probably one of the best years for me. So I want to do a little reflecting.

2014 was all about opportunities. I would have never thought Twitter would have provided such opportunities with my favorite magazine, Cosmopolitan. 
In March, I was fortunate to have a phone call with Senior Community Manager, Elisa Benson. 
Obvi, I took a screen shot and posted on my personal FB. 
This phone call provided another opportunity to be on their show on their youtube channel, #CosmoLive. In April, I was featured on their Wedding Episode. It was a surreal experience and even though my pitched ideas weren't used for Cosmo.com, it was something I will remember forever. (I'm at 34:15.)
And then in May, I finally graduated college! I couldn't believe I finally did it! I am the first person in my family to have a higher education degree. Here's to 2015 and finding a job!! (Hire me?) 
As a present to myself, I went to a Backstreet Boys concert and because of my fear of heights got upgraded to seats 15 rows from the stage. Beardy did tell me to go to the afterparty, but I didn't get that text until after we left the venue. Next time, BSB, next time! 
Shortly after my Backstreet Boys concert experience, I got married! In August, Beardy and I finally tied the knot. I am still doing recaps about the wedding, but it was one of the fastest days of my life. 
After our 5 year engagement, we are finally Mr. and Mrs. 
The rest of 2014 sped by...I was published in a local wedding magazine and also in the newspaper this year, too.
Because this is my last post of 2014, I figured I would give you my 2015 goal list. It's not necessarily a "new year's resolution list" but I do want to write it down so I am accountable for it. 
  • Find a job in my field! I hope this one is quickly checked off. Positive thinking!  
  • I want to be published more. 
  • I want to simplify life and be happy. 
  • Blog 3 days a week. (MWF.)
2015, I am coming for you! What are your goals for 2015? 
Next week on Wednesday, I will have a special guest blogger so get ready for that! I am very excited about this. (It's not Beardy.) 


In 2015... (Link-up)

Mr. Thomas & Me

Again I have been missing. I've had a good excuse. Beardy's brother surprised everyone by coming home for Christmas. We (Beardy and I) only knew he was coming home and it was just a great week so far...so all the blogging ideas I had kind of went on the back burner while I spent time with my family.
2014 was a year of new beginnings. I FINALLY after 8 years graduated college. Then three short months later, I got married to the love of my life, Beardy. I am ready for 2015 to be a year of amazingness... 
In 2015...
I will find a job in my field of study. I am determined to put my degree to good use. 
OR A CAT. (Another.)
I will understand football fully. (Sorry Beardy, I still ask so many questions.) 
I will lose the last 40 lbs of my I'msorryImetthemanofmydreamsandgainedalltheweight weight. 
Under that same topic I will actually be able to do a real squat...because let's be real...I have no lower body muscle. 
I will get cast on Real Housewives of La Crosse County....or something....let's make that happen! I am a pro at day drinking. 
Beardy and I will go on a honeymoon...
Or see a GBP game...hopefully both.
I will blog three times a week. 
I hope to be published at least three times during 2015. (Wishful thinking! Dream big!)

Not in 2015...
I won't get preggo with baby McMullen. Nope. Sorry. Not happening. 
I won't figure out who A is on Pretty Little Liars. Let's be real... no one is ever going to find out who A is. IN THE BOOKS IT'S ALI AND WE DIDN'T FIND OUT UNTIL LIKE BOOK 23892832. IT WON'T HAPPEN. 
I won't stop drinking. I love all the wines. 
I won't take life too seriously, because as Beardy says it... LOOSEY GOOSEY...whatever that means. 

This list is more silly than anything else, but seriously... I am ready for 2015. I hope for happiness and health. On a personal note, I would love to go off of all of my anti-anxiety medications and work on my mental health more naturally. So hopefully my lifestyle changes impact my life in a way that will make me feel better mentally and physically. 

I am ready for you, 2015. I gotchu. 


McMullen Love Story: Dress is on....and First Look!

Hi everyone so patiently waiting for the wedding recaps.
So where was I? That's right. I was putting on my dress. My girls were so ready to get this show on the road. (And by my girls I mean my goddaughters. I don't have kids...yet.)
After the "Get in the Dress! Put it over her head, NO, let her step into it!" debacle...(We had just got the text from Erica saying WHERE ARE YOU!? It was 15 minutes to the ceremony and we had to still do the first look...)
The whole being chill at the beginning of the day was completely out the window at this point. I was sweating to death, my hair completely fell, and realized how hot August was...and tulle doesn't breathe.
We had to do a shot before we left. Just to calm the nerves.
Meg's face was priceless in this shot...she hates shots.
It was time for us to get into our car and get to the venue! We already were running late.
Here's a picture from the phone while were driving to the venue. Not from my photographer...they were in the car behind us.
It was time for me to see Beardy!
Beardy was being really traditional and didn't want to see me before the wedding, but he thought that it would be good for me to see him because he knew that something would stress me out and I would need my rock to tell me that everything is going to go great. It was his idea to do this and it was a great idea. We used my grandmother's scarf to cover his eyes and got to share a really special moment together.
Taylor, his youngest brother, giving the okay. (Holla Taylor!! He reads the blog.) How handsome is he? Ladies, he's single! (just kidding, Taylor.)
 Great ugly cry face... Liz...
I cried a lot when I saw him. He looked so good. Everything finally started to feel real and I couldn't believe I was finally getting married!!! (After 5 years 2 months and 3 days...) He told me that he loved me a lot and that he hoped I had a good morning and that the dress felt nice. I was glad I did this before the wedding. It was different and having my grandma there in spirit was really nice. Before we knew it was time to get upstairs for the wedding!
Next week we will talk about the ceremony. All 4 minutes of it.

For my married ladies, Were you late your wedding? What did you do?
Did you have a first look?
Showered With Design


McMullen Love Story: That Morning...

My wedding pictures are in! It's been four months since the wedding... I can't believe that four months since today I was cutting the cake Beardy made and getting ready for the dance. So let's start from the beginning!

When I last left you I was talking about the rehearsal dinner. So I spent the night at the hotel in downtown La Crosse with my sister, Cassandra. We got to bed at about 11 pm and I probably didn't sleep until 5 or 6 am (holla to the episode of Chandler and Monica's wedding being on Nick at Nite!) and we were up by 9 am.

My fabulous photographers were at my hotel room early. We went to my favorite coffee house, Jules to get a pick-me-up, because I was exhausted.
You could see my dress from the street. It was quite hilarious that it was that noticeable! 
We then went back to my hotel room to drink our coffees and open my gift from my bridesmaids/mom/Beardy. It was a book of letters that my bridesmaid, Megan made for me. She got each of my bridesmaids, my mom, and Beardy to write me a letter. It was so sweet. 
My ugly cry face because of Beardy's letter. He mentioned how excited he was and how if I needed him I could text him but make sure he took the blindfold off first before he came to find me...(more on the blindfold later.) 
Between 10 am and 1 pm, I was weirdly relaxed. I ended up taking a nap holding my cousins hand. I love that my photographer got a picture of it. I love her so much. 
I started my makeup after my nap. My best friend Erica and my family organized everything over at the venue, so I had no drama to deal with in the morning. I gave Erica all the power and she got to make the decisions that I knew would have went wrong...and things did, but I didn't know. 
Before I knew it, it was time for my hair. And some staged Cosmo reading. 
Funny how PLL is my favorite show (and I am watching it tonight) and Lucy is on the front cover.
Before I knew it, it was time to get into my wedding dress. I was marrying Beardy in an hour! 
Next week you will get to see the minutes leading up to the four minute ceremony! (Yes, four minutes.) 
Also, Beardy and my very different first look! 
Wedding Wednesday

Dress: Allure Bridal
Makeup: Urban Decay, Naked 3 (gifted from the officiant)
Pink Robe: Victoria Secret (gifted from Beardy's Grandma!)
Sequin Clutch: Jane.com
Sequin Hanger: Pearls and Pastries


Beardy and Beauty. Still in love after 30 years.

All images are from the amazing Palette of Light
I GOT MY WEDDING PICTURES BACK! But more on that later. I will be posting every Wednesday about the wedding. And let's see if I stick to that plan. I did post on twitter highlights of the wedding. You can find it here if you can't wait that long.
Over the weekend, Beardy and I got to watch one of my best friends, Erica and her new husband, Chris get married. I was a bridesmaid so I had to leave Beardy alone the whole day. It was to my surprise that when he showed up to the reception, he was in a whole new outfit!
Now, this is a huge accomplishment for Beardy. Because if you remember correctly, he thought this was an acceptable outfit at one point during our relationship.
 He walked in wearing a purple plaid shirt (!!) a sweater vest, black slacks, and black shoes!
After all of my duties of bridesmaid were pretty much done except drinking and dancing, I got to hang out by my handsome husband. The maid of honor came up to us around this time and said "you're one of those couples that will be madly in love in 30 years, aren't you?" It's funny to think about but we are one of those couples.
Beardy tells me I'm beautiful at least 10 times a day.  (I tell him he's handsome and smart, too.)
Beardy isn't afraid (okay, he is, but he still did it) to look like an idiot while dancing to 1D, which he didn't know was 1D until he was told. (He will probably kill me for broadcasting this to the internet, too.)
He also is spontaneous and always has been. I told him we didn't need a tree this year and Beardy knocked on the door last night (after being gone the whole day with his family) with a 6 foot Christmas tree.
We are one of those couples who will still be madly in love in 30 years. Beardy and I made a pact that no matter what happens in our marriage, we will work it out. We will communicate. We will always be Mr. & Mrs. Beardy. So here's to more spontaneity, love, and work to another 30 years.


The tough stuff.

I always try and keep my darkness off of social media and the blog. Sometimes, I slip up and it ends up seeping though.

So, let's start from the beginning. I want to first and foremost say that I am not writing this post to be "trendy" nor am I writing this post to expose myself to everyone here on the internet...but it's true. In light of Robin Williams dying and a bunch of other celebrities talking about their struggle with depression, it was time to share mine. This is not the full story, but maybe I will write a book one day.

I have severe clinical depression and panic disorder.

I think I have talked about this before on the blog but never in depth, which is what I am going to do today.

So we need to start from the beginning. Flash to 1997, when I was 11 years old. One day it just felt like a switch was turned from the on position to the off position. My mom immediately started sending me to counseling. I don't remember a lot from the years of 1997-2000. I just remember being bullied a lot, switching schools, and feeling ashamed about the fact I went to therapy. I think I stopped going in 1999.

I was okay for a while. I just kind of floated by and made sure I stayed focused on school.

Then the worst thing that could ever happen in my teenage life had happened. My dad walked out on my mom, sister, brother, and me. That was the beginning of the worst time in my life. I remember my mom sitting me and my siblings down and trying to explain that daddy wasn't coming back. My brother and sister were 7 and 4. I also remember picking up a safety pin and cutting into my wrist while she was talking. I don't remember a lot from that day, but I do remember the self-harm that inflicted on myself made me feel better somehow. I spent the rest of the year cutting superficially and hiding it from my family and friends.

2001 started out just like every other year: complete disappointment. I still was self-harming and hiding it from everyone I knew. But I know that they knew somehow. I don't think I did a good job hiding it as I thought I did. My most vivid memory from that time was writing a story about suicide and having the teacher question if I had any problems. I told him no. In Feb 2001, everything about my life changed within a second. I still was self-harming. Apparently,  my friends went to the school principal and counselor and told them what I was doing. I was pulled out of my last class of the day to meet with "some people." When I went into the principal's office, two police officers were standing next to my principal and my counselor. The police officers told me to pull up my sleeves and show them my arms. When they saw the marks, they put me under a Chapter 51 hold which meant that I had to go get a psychiatric evaluation and be put under the care of the hospital for at least 72 hours.

The ride to the hospital was in a police car. I had never been in one and never have been since. It was terrifying and embarrassing being taken out to a marked police car in front of all of my peers. The doctors at the hospital told me that I was a threat to myself and that I needed to be put in this 72-hour hold for my own good. There was no way around it. I couldn't tell them that I would stop self-harming and I couldn't tell them that I wanted to go home. The hospital was my home now. I couldn't even have my blanket that I slept with every night in fear that I would have hanged myself with it.

The next two days were pretty much a blur. I still had classes but with a tutor, I had to go to group meetings, and do team building exercises. My family could visit during visitation hours. It was literally the worst time of my life. I told the doctors that I would stop self-harming and I told them that I would never do it again. I told them that I was okay and that I wanted to go home. They wouldn't let me. I felt trapped more so than ever before. I remember my brother coming into see me. He was 8 and understood more than my sister did. I remember him telling me that his favorite comedy movie to watch was Scream. I don't remember why, but I laughed and laughed. I made friends with some of the patients, but now after 13 years I cannot remember who they were or what their names were. I think its better that I blocked that out of my life. I do remember asking if I could go home after 2 days...and I think I got to. I remember surprising my grandma because she thought I was coming home a day later.

I stopped self-harming for a while after that. I was embarrassed to say I had been in a psych unit because of my depression and suicidal tendencies. I never wanted to kill myself, I just wanted to stop feeling so much.

A month and a half later, the worst day of my life happened. My grandmother who was pretty much a second mom to me said she didn't feel good. She ended up going to the hospital that night in an ambulance. Two days later she died. Grandma Louise died of blood poisoning and it was very sudden. Again my life was crumbling under me. 2001 was one of the hardest years of my life. Trying to rebuild my relationships with people I didn't trust (my friends, father, and teachers) was difficult. I kept myself very guarded in that sense. I only opened up to a therapist.

In high school, I found somewhere where it could be my oasis: theater. I joined the theater the end of my freshman year because of a boy. Yes, I can admit it now, I did makeup to be closer to him, the funny thing is even though he never liked me, and he made my life that much better. I could say I have him to thank for theater, but I won't...that's giving him WAY too much credit. I haven't spoke to him in years. He's bald now. It's okay.

Besides still being teased, called "cow" every day by bullies, and getting chewed gum threw into my backpack, what got me through each day was knowing that I could go to my makeup room, be appreciated for something I was good at and have real friends. I did theater the rest of my high school career. It probably was the one thing that kept me going. I had ups and downs just like normal high schoolers. I still went to therapy every week per doctors orders and was on a regular regimen of anti-depression medication.

College was the next time that I remember my depression spiraling out of control. Being alone away from family was a hard transition. I was still doing theater but it wasn't as fun as it was in high school. I didn't get to do makeup, just costuming and I just wasn't that happy doing that. I never was good at sewing. I stayed busy just like every other underclassman. My campus was hella small so everyone knew everyone and I guess I could say that I was "popular" for the first time in my life. I went to keggers and had boyfriends…or friend-boys. College is confusing. I think this was the first time that I was off my medication. I still went to regular therapy and tried to make the most out of my time in college. Second semester I met a boy who really spiraled me out of control. He was into drugs and was what I would call back then as "emo." You know the type: guy liner, skinny jeans, tattoos of lyrics on their arm... I don't know why he made me spiral out of control, but he did. I was so unhappy in our messed up relationship and I kind of shut down. I didn't self-harm, but I did just kind of give up. And I never did any drugs either, mostly because I'm afraid of what it would do to me, so why chance it?

I moved home shortly after my finals, went back on a medication regimen, and enrolled in community college. Life was good again. I still had bad days, but there were far less than any time earlier in my life. In 2007, I decided that I wanted something more out of life, so I applied to fashion school. I got in. I decided that in the fall of 2008 I would move to the west coast. I was still having some self-harming thoughts that I couldn't shake, so I got a tattoo courtesy of one of my best friend’s boyfriends. I got Love. tattooed on my right wrist to remember where I've been and what I have come back from.

2008 is when my life changed for the better. I met Beardy and started dating him. He was the first solid, not effed up relationship I ever had. After having the time of my life on the west coast, I decided that coming home and seeing where this new relationship would go would be my best decision.

It's weird, but I don't remember a time after moving back from the west where I wasn't with Beardy. He was a happy-go-lucky, goofy guy who genuinely wanted me to be happy. He never had dealt with things like depression and my bad days didn't scare him off. I was still taking medication and seeing a therapist, but I still had bad days.

My depression is hard to explain. Everything could be going well in life, but I still could feel trapped. On December 31st, 2009, I started feeling like I was having chest pains. It hurt to breathe. I was rushed to the emergency and diagnosed with panic disorder. On top of feeling worthless and sad, I started having acute to severe panic attacks.

So there's my story. I left out a lot of the graphic details but I figured this post is already too long. I still have bad days and I haven't self-harmed in months, but there is still that overwhelming feeling some days. The best way I can describe it is that I feel like I'm drowning. Figuratively and literally. I fight with this demon every day and it probably will be a fight for the rest of my life.

The stigma surrounding depression and self-harm is maddening. It isn't a trendy thing. You don't need to call the depression medication "crazy pills," because they aren't. They are just trying to make your chemical imbalance less imbalanced. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It is debilitating and embarrassing. To fully understand how severe depression feels, you would literally have to walk in someone's shoes. No matter how much you think you understand, you don't. Not to be mean, but it's true. Everday is a struggle to not feel worthless. I am still taking medication for both depression and anxiety and for the first time in my life I am not seeing a therapist. My last therapist told me I have all the tools to make changes, so I am working on myself without help. It might change in 2015 because I am not sure I want to keep doing it alone without a therapist. I believe no matter how hard therapy is, you really can do good work with the right therapist.

I don't know why it's taken me a long time to be okay with saying: "I'm Liz and I have severe clinical depression and panic disorder." My depression doesn't define who I am. It's a chemical imbalance and it's not my fault for having it. I've got a great support system and every day is a journey. I just have to remember that "one day at a time" is a pretty good mantra because God knows that I have been through worse.

If you are feeling worthless or depressed and don't know where to turn you can call 1-800-273-TALK (8245). You don't need to do this alone.

If you stuck to it and read the whole thing, thank you. It means a lot. I know it's a long post.


I'm a domestic Pinterest diva!

One part of my vow when we got married is that I would learn to cook and I meant it. I wasn't a fabulous cook when Beardy and I first met, but I would try to cook things...
But I burn water.
I even made him eat burnt chicken tenders once. Even his brother choked it down. (Gotta love that kid. Thank you for serving our country, Taylor, btw. <3)

But since the wedding and not having a full time job, I have been planning our meals weekly and trying new recipes. These are a few I've done in the past few weeks.

I was going to blog about each, but apparently I forget to take pictures when I'm cooking.

//Crock Pot Stove Top Chicken
This one was surprisingly really good. Beardy loved the cheesy chicken and it was a "stick to your ribs" type of meal. He wants me to make it again. Word of warning, it's not the healthiest thing ever, but if you're looking for a hearty home cooked kind of meal, this is it. And it's easy. Which is always a plus.
Scale: 5 out of 5 Beards

//Crock Pot Pumpkin Chili
He was apprehensive to trying this one, but Beardy did like it. You really couldn't taste the pumpkin and it was really healthy. The depth of flavor in this one was amazing, I would try to get smoked paprika next time.
Scale: 4 out of 5 Beards

//Stuffed Pepper Soup
He told me that he really enjoyed this meal too. It was really easy to make and was super flavorful and we probably have leftovers that will last until Christmas.
Scale: 4 out of 5 Beards

//Chinese Night: Panda Express Chow Mein and Beijing Beef
This was a fail in my mind, but Beardy said it tasted amazing. We don't have any Panda Expresses around us...and the closest is like, Milwaukee and I was craving their Chow Mein (which I think is Lo Mein, but whatevs) and their Beijing Beef. I had it when I was visiting friends and it was SO good. I wanted to see if I could recreate it. The recipe calls for the Yaki-Soba noodles, but the ones I found were flat, not round like the picture and I think if I would have had round noodles, the chow mein would have had better flavor. It was kind of mushy. The Beijing Beef was a miss, too. You had to coat the meat in corn starch and then fry it so it would get crispy, but I wasn't happy with how it came out either. It wasn't crispy enough for my liking. But I also pan fried it in coconut oil so that could have been my fault. Beardy took this for lunch yesterday and said it tasted amazing cold.
Scale: 5 out of 5 Beards
          3 out of 5 Beautys...just because I don't like how it was mushy...and it didn't taste like Panda at all. 

Beardy keeps telling me my cooking is improving so points for me! I don't know what I would do without Pinterest, actually. Use real cooking books? Do you have any recipes you tried from Pinterest that were successes? Which ones?


My five things for a friday.

I'm linking up today with:
Amanda with Meet @ the Barre (Friday Favorites)
Leslie with A Blonde Ambition (Confessional Friday)
Karli with September FARM (Oh Hey, Friday)

I literally am the worst blogger on the face of the planet. But let's be honest, if I don't plan blog posts, they don't happen. So...maybe that will be a NYE resolution for me? I mean, I miss blogging regularly!

This mascara.
This is the gateway drug (I'm sure) to other Chanel products.
Beardy always knew I was high maintence.
This palette.
I have every large Naked palette and I love them all. Between the 1st and the 3rd, it's my go-to makeup for my eyes.
I also used this the day of my wedding! If you would like  me to do a look with it let me know! (And put it on the blog.)
This hairspray.
The smell is great, the hold is superb and it's not too expensive!
I bought this planner thinking by 2015 I will have a job when I will need to be more organized than I already am. So here's hoping it still happens! I will be doing a review on this planner after I start using it. (Which I am kind of already. I love it so much!
I also really love post-its. But you knew that already.
Oh, and Sharpie pens.
This magazine has been getting a lot of hate lately on social media for it being too one sided in politics, but I still love the magazine. It literally is one the best parts of my month when it comes in the mail. It also doesn't hurt that I am on a first name basis with some of the staff...
This song has been on a tv commercial the past couple weeks and I realized then how happy it makes me. I told Beardy I want to put it on loop and fall asleep to it every night.

five//these girls.
I am a godmother again! Avery Louise Elizabeth was born on Sunday. Love these three.
In other news: like I called it...both SELFIE and Manhattan Love Story were canceled. Cue the tears of sadness.
Did anyone else watch either of those shows?


Five things literally out of your control during your wedding.

I'm linking up today with:
Amanda with Meet @ the Barre (Friday Favorites)
Leslie with A Blonde Ambition (Confessional Friday)
Lauren Elizabeth (High Five Friday)
Karli with September FARM (Oh Hey, Friday)

It's Friday again and I thought I would change it up a bit today.
The wedding planning part of the wedding was stressful for me...if it wasn't money, it was problems with the venue, if it wasn't the venue, it was problems with the guest list...etc.

The day of was no different.

Beardy wanted my hair down for the wedding...which I did agree to, but I wish I wouldn't have agreed to it because it fell within minutes of putting on the dress. It's humid in Wisconsin during August and my hair pretty much hates humid weather. So poof. My hair wasn't so poofy anymore.
It was cute when it first started!

You cry. A lot. Well, at least I did. One thing everyone brings up from that day was that I cried too much. I didn't realize I had a "quota" of crying...I was so happy that I didn't know what else to do...it was like at the BSB show. I ugly girl cried.
The day goes extremely (and I mean extremely) fast. Literally one minute I was getting my hair done and the next we were being drove back to the hotel room! Even the ceremony was short! I think it came to be about 4 minutes and 30 seconds, that isn't including the music though.

Things happen. That's why I am going to be in The Wedding Magazine in La Crosse next week. I gave advice about weddings. And bad things might happen, but you gotta go with the flow. As Beardy says...loosey goosey. And maybe apologize a lot when you bite peoples heads off. It happened, I hope they all forgave me!

The timeline will get effed up. It just will. No matter how much you have planned down to the minute, it will get screwed up and you will get people yelling at you. My father was upset that the bridal party went "bar hopping" after the ceremony and that everyone in the venue was "starving" it specifically said on the invite dinner was at 6. It was only 5. But because of people throwing hissy fits, the dinner got pushed to an earlier time and then Beardy and I came in late and didn't even get to eat with our bridal party. Yes, I am still bitter about that.
Things happen, it does. But you have to remember to look at the bigger picture. I married that great guy up there ^ and yes things went wrong, but it was the best wedding we could possibly imagine.

So did you have things that were out of your control the day of the wedding? Tell me about them!
(Still waiting on the profesh pics!)


10 Crazy Facts About Me (The Beauty)

Palette of Light

I thought I would do a Beardy|Beauty 10 Crazy Facts post. Today will be me and then I'll do Beardy...if he lets me. Here's another picture from the wedding. Kalea (the tallest) is my goddaughter and Makenna (the one attached to me) is Beardy and my goddaughter. I adore these little girls.

I am an extremely picky eater. I go through phases too, just like a 5 year old.  I could literally live off of Uncrustables, Morning Star Chicken Nuggets, and Pizza.

I am afraid of needles. The last time I had my blood drawn I almost fainted and they had to put me on the floor so I didn't hit my head. They couldn't understand how I had 7 tattoos and a piercing and got woozy with just a little blood draw. Yeah...not good. This is why I don't donate blood/plasma.

I dated two mikes until I met my Beardy. I always say "third Mike was the charm."

I am terrified of birds, yet I have 11 birds tattooed on my body.

My obsession with the Backstreet Boys used to be worse.

The best moments of my life has been this year. I was featured on Cosmopolitan's Youtube page (@ about 34:06) to talk about my wedding, I graduated college (first in my family), I got married to Beardy...and next week I will be published in a magazine with advice about the wedding...it won't be a huge thing, but it's still pretty cool.

Finishing college is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

I have been diagnosed with severe clinical depression and panic disorder. It is one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with and it's a daily thing.

The biggest goal on my bucket list is to find a job I am truly happy in and can use my degree to it's fullest potential.

One of my biggest regrets in my life is not taking time off between college and high school. I really didn't know what I wanted to do with my life and because of that I am now in an extraordinary debt.

So did you know learn anything new about me?
Do you think I will get Beardy to do this with me?


Still waiting....(Wedding Wednesday)

I am still waiting on wedding pictures, but like I said last week, I am fine with waiting. I was so fortunate to get these amazing photographers for a great price...which took a lot of stress off of me. AND I got to spend the whole day with my best friend from college. But I do have pictures from the family session and I am going to share those today.
All pictures are courtesy of:

This guy, I tell you...He is the most amazing person I have ever met. He knew how to calm me down during the really stressful times during the wedding.
Oh by the way everyone-last minute (literally a half an hour before the ceremony) I decided on the veil. Talk about indecisive.
These little girls...not so little anymore! Kalea and Makenna are my goddaughters. ANNNND! They will be big sisters soon!(Avery Louise Elizabeth is coming around November...)
Then this candid of everyone. I mean...no words. (These are my siblings on his side.)

There. Does that wet you whistle until I get the rest of the pictures? I mean, the venue...I love. My dress...I loved...until it broke. That day...still a blur!

Wedding Wednesday


Job interviews feel a lot like blind dates.

I've been married to Beardy now for 2 1/2 months. Before that we dated/were together for 5 years. This year (on September 19th) was 6 years since we had first met.

Dating Beardy was easy. Actually, Beardy was the easiest boy I had ever dated. We went on dates when I came home from California and then when I came home for good, he asked me to move in with him. No waiting by the phone, no guessing if he liked me or not. It was a very easy relationship, unlike all of the other boys I dated before Beardy.

But the point of this?

Glad you asked.

Since May I have been actively looking for full-time employment. I want to use my degree that took me so many years and so many dollars to get. I have had about four job interviews since graduating. All of which deal with my degree.

During the interviewing process there are a lot of steps.
Step 1// You prepare for the interview, you know the usual like Googling the company.
Step 2// You get a new outfit, hoping spending an arm and a leg on a new blazer will help your chances of being picked to work at the company.

Both of the first two steps are similar to prepping for a blind date. Everyone won't admit it, but you have (one time or another) Googled your date... I have. You want to see if he is a felon or maybe he has an obsession with 1D that you didn't know about. Then when you finally set a time to meet, you have nothing to wear. So naturally, you go to the mall and get a whole new outfit. I mean, do you ever need an excuse to shop?

Step 3// You attend the meeting with the hiring manager or whomever who set up the interview. You talk yourself up and make sure that you sound like the ideal candidate for the position.
Step 4// After you send out a thank you to the person(s) you interviewed with, you wait.
Step 5// Hoping that they call/email you (either way) to let you know the direction the company is going.

Who after a date (or interview) feels a little uneasy whenever the phone rings (or your email chimes)? All of those questions in the back of your mind start popping up again. Did you say something wrong? Did I talk too much? Did I talk too little?

No wonder Carrie Bradshaw went crazy trying to figure out what Big's next move was. When she wasn't shopping was she wondering when he would call? (She always couldn't help but wonder... -ha bad SATC joke)

Job searching, like dating is hard. The job that you are up for may change your life. That man may be the guy you are supposed to marry. It's a weird concept to think about. Both could have crucial impacts on how your life will go for the next 10, 20, maybe 40 years.

Tell me: Has anyone else felt like this? Dating or otherwise? Whether it goes bad or good in the professional world for me, I do have a pint of Americone Dream Ben & Jerry's in my fridge.

PSA: This is in no way supposed to offend someone or take away the seriousness of having a professional job.


Blogging two days in a row?! New record.

I'm linking up today with:
Amanda with Meet @ the Barre (Friday Favorites)
Leslie with A Blonde Ambition (Confessional Friday)
Lauren Elizabeth (High Five Friday)
Karli with September FARM (Oh Hey, Friday)
Top Knots. My hair is hella long right now and so damaged...I need a hair cut and color, stat. But until I can find the time
money to get done, top knot it is.
 Song. Lindsey (my wedding photographer's wife) told me to listen to a song by Ben Rector called Wildfire. She won't tell me why I had to listen to the song, just that she liked it. So I don't know what my photographers have up their sleeves.
Show. How to Get Away With Murder is so good. I even got Beardy to stay up late and watch it with me! Sunday we are doing a binge session to get caught up. I am still terrified that it's going to get canned and then I sit with so many unanswered questions!
News. So I was going to wait until it was actually out, but I was chosen to be featured for the Bridal Advice section in our new local wedding magazine. It will be out by the end of the month!!
I confess that looking for a job is really tiring. It's like dating all over again! All I want them is to like me and I feel like even that is pretty impossible with how many people are looking for work lately! Pretty sure if job searching was a reality dating show it would be The Bachelor.
I confess that if I don't find a job soon, I will be starting up my own freelance biz. I mean, I didn't go to school just to be a part-time receptionist at a Law Firm.
I confess that I've been slacking in the working out department. I keep saying I don't need to fit into my wedding dress again, but in all reality I do need to fit into a bridesmaid dress in December!!
I am hoping to get my wedding pics back in the next week and a half (crossing my fingers!!) because I know a lot of you have been waiting for recaps...like the story about how my dad left me alone on the dance floor half way through the daddy daughter dance.
Orrr the one about how my dress clasp snapped during pictures (I still feel bad about snapping at everyone..)
Orrr the part where we hired a face painter during the dance.