This used to be my life. I passed it on.

My sissy and I went to a concert on Thursday night. (This was right before I caught the flu on Friday, but hey, at least I had fun.) Quietdrive is a band from Minnesota I met back when I was a freshman in college. They were just starting out, touring with random bands. You may have heard of them on John Tucker Must Die.

How short was my hair?! (Circa 2006...)

In high school, I went to a local venue at least twice a week to see bands. I was what I called a "band-aid" I hung out with the bands that came to town and actually "toured" with one of the bands that I met. Let's walk down memory lane, shall we?
This was in 2005. 
RORY's drummer Chris. (They have since broke-up.) 

I followed (with all my close friends) Quietdrive all over the midwest the year that I met them. 
This was in DeKalb, IL. 

My sister took over the title on Thursday night: She played the tambourine on stage with Quietdrive. 
 I taught her well.


Warhol Wednesday

This was a picture from my Blackberry. He does this stuff allll the time.


What I realized tonight

Our power went out at 5:50pm. At approximately 6:00pm, they told us that our power would be back on at 11:00pm, at this time I went into freak out mode. I hadn't showered, dinner wasn't planned and I was in the middle of watching Skins . I literally was like...what now?! 
Today was the day that I realized that I would never be able to make it without modern conveniences. My blackberry is always in my hand, my Mac is always on when I am at home. What is wrong with me? At dinner, Mike wanted to know if I would ever be able to "rough it" in a camping in Canada. Um, no? 

Roughing it to me is a villa at a local campground, with a fire pit in the front. Kind of like this: 
I guess I am very high maintenance in the sense that I will not camp. But I do love the outdoors! I just need a shower...and wifi.... and a cell phone tower.

Oh wow.

I couldn't sleep last night so I wandered around on twitter until I saw that Kaelah was addicted to the UK show, Skins. (MTV just came out with a USA version that premiered last week and I have heard mixed reviews.) But Skins the UK version was on Netflix instant, so I figured I would give it a try.
It is very interesting, very raunchy, very racy... and kind of reminds me of a naughty Degrassi, but I fell in love with one of the main characters instantly. Her name is Cassie Ainsworth. She was introduced into the show by one of her friends saying she just got back from the hospital for killing herself. She may have problems (anorexic, pill popper, low self-esteem) but she is so lovable and has a killer sense of style. Even though she has problems, she is my favorite.


Warhol Wednesday

This little guy is watching Sex and the City with me. He's a fan.


Oliver Oken

So you know Hannah Montana's best friend boy? He got totally hot.
Rawr. He is now touring with his real band and I may have to take out my band tees and head to a concert. (Hello, senior year of high school!)


So, what is going on?

So, on my twitter I have been down in the dumps lately and a total Debbie Downer. I wanted to let everyone know (who reads my blog/follows me on twitter) what was going on. So, here it goes.

I was about 11 years old when I found out I was depressed. There were days when I wouldn't want to get ready for school and to make my mom let me stay home I would threaten my life. The summer of when I turned 13 was when my depression started to downward spiral. My dad walked out on us when my mom took us on a "family vacation" we came to find everything of my dad's gone. He called the next day to tell me to tell my mom that he wanted a divorce. After this initial shock of him leaving, my mom had to tell my little brother and sister that dad wasn't coming back. I didn't know how to deal with this. My way of dealing (for the next 6 months) was cutting. I was a closet cutter, I never wanted people to find out that I did it. I would hide my arms in baggy clothing and wear pajamas to class. I never wanted to be there, but when I was there, I was in my own little world. I wasn't taking meds for depression, so I wallowed in life. In the last week of Feb. 2001, I was busted. My friends started realizing that I was cutting and they told a grown-up. That grown-up was the middle school guidance woman. I was sent to the office to talk to the guidance people my 8th hour of class. Little did I know that the police were there to take me away to rehab. The police officer asked me to lift up my sleeves, which I did, to show where I was cutting. That was just enough for the police officer to put me "under arrest" for Chapter 51 which meant I was under custody of the rehab center for 72 hours. This happened to be the nearby hospital's mental health wing.  This was the first day that I actually started thinking...I need to live. I need to get help. I started an anti-depression medication and tried to get my life back on track.

Flash Forward: 
I am now 23 years old and my old medication wasn't cutting it. I was sleeping all the time and not motivated to do anything. My family doctor decided to put me on something new. The new medicine was started the last week of 2010. December 31, 2010 was when I had my first panic attack and ended up in urgent care. 2011 hasn't been very good so far because the transition from the first medication to the second medication was brutal. Panic attacks, crying fits, breakdowns in my closet... it has not been easy. I am coming off the third week of being on it and it is starting to show signs that it is working. It will take a while for everything to even out, but I think my chemical imbalance is now under control! (Because of the drug they gave me to counter act the panic attacks and Mike!!!) I am not the type to be sad or feel sorry for myself and this post is not in anyway trying to make anyone feel bad, I just wanted to let you readers know what was going on.

I also figured in the light of my favorite Backstreet Boy AJ McLean going back to rehab, I could talk about why I have been such a disast lately.

Also, because I have struggled with cutting since I have been in the hospital in 2001, I can totally relate to gorgeous Demi Lovato who was also in rehab this year because of cutting and other demons. I wish her and AJ the best, because sometimes you cannot fight these demons on your own. I know I can't.

This is also why I have LOVE on my wrist. To support the Write Love on Her Arms Movement.  This is a huge deal to me and if you read my facebook the other day (for people that follow me) this is why. I will fight this battle everyday for the rest of my life, I just need help to keep it under control.


Lush Bathtime/Showertime

It has been about a month since I got my Lush Haul, so I figured I would give you guys a couple reviews of what I thought! 

Sea Vegetable:
This by far is my favorite soap. The seaweed used in the soap is an amazing exfoliant. The soap smells kind of lemony and salty, very oceany. It has lasted about 10 showers and I still have a chunk left of it. The only downside is that it does dry out my skin. 

This soap was also pretty good to use. The sand is a natural exfoliant. I thought I would have hated the whole sand part of it, but it was rather nice. Smells like lemon hard candy. 

So far I am not impressed by the massage bars, but then again, I haven't used them for "massaging" so maybe I will change my mind.

I also took a lush bath today. It has been a hard week, trying to get on new meds for depression and come off the old ones. I decided to try a bath. I used: 

Ruby Slippers 

I did take pictures of the water, which turned a pink...but they didn't turn out. The bath was very moisturizing and smelled very good. I actually can still smell the bath things I used (7 hrs later)
The only gripe I have is that I live in an apartment, so the bathtub is...very tiny. So I didn't really relax in the bath. This is why I am a shower girl.

Warhol Wednesday

(I realize it isn't Wednesday, its been a terrible week.)
He was smelling my flowers I got from Mike.